I worked for a while with a client that came more than an year ago to Canada. In one of the coaching sessions she wanted to talk about “homesick”.
GC: Please tell me more about this. What do you mean by “homesick” and what would you like to get from this coaching session?
GI: You know, I’m here in Canada from a while, but I miss so much my parents, my sister, the friends, and a certain place in the village of my grand parents. This place has a special meaning to me, I’m eager to see it again!!! I miss all these so much that I already went back once (few months after I came here), I suffer by not having them and that I start having health problems and go to doctors. What I would like to get from this session? To better understand why all these are happening and what I can do about this longing that makes me suffer so much.
GC: You already told me that you don’t have friends in Canada. Please tell me, did you have a special relationship in your life? (she confirms with a head movement) When you were in that relationship, did you miss so much your family and the friends?
GI: You’re right, I didn’t! I understand now that I need to socialize more, to make new friends.
GC: We can talk about this if you want. Let’s check first the other aspect that you mentioned. Please tell me more about that special place in your grand parents’ village.
GI: Ooooh, it’s wonderful there! (her face is lightening up and she continues with more enthusiasm) You know, it’s soooo beautiful there in summer: the trees, the flowers, the smell of the fresh cut grass… I feel wonderful there!!!
GC: How is it in winter, or fall.. when it rains?
GI: Well, I don’t like when it’s cold and humid! (she answers quickly)
GC: It seems that you like a certain image of that place.
GI: That’s true, I like only in summer.
GC: I have the impression that it’s not the place you like so much, because you don’t like it all over the year. It seems that you like the feelings that that specific image triggers in you. Please close your eyes now… Think about that special place, the way you like to see it… Look with your mind eyes.. feel that worm summer day… the freshness of the cut grass… smell the flowers… think of it as if you are already there. How do you feel thinking about that special place?
GI: Wooonderful! I’d like to stay here forever! I hear the happy people approaching… the wind blowing in my hair… it feels soooo gooood!
GC: Ok… please open your eyes now. You see? That special place… you carry it with you! You can think of it when you want and right away you feel the feelings that you missed so much. You don’t need to miss them anymore, the way you used to. When you want to have those feelings, you can stop for a few seconds, and choose to see that special place in your mind. You won’t miss it anymore, because you’re carrying it with you all the time. You just need to reconnect with it whenever you want!
GI: Wow, I didn`t think about this! I will try to think of it more often, to bring this image in my mind every time I miss it… to feel more often this warm feelings that it’s emanating inside me.
We continued to talk a little about how to make friends here. She understood she should socialize more.
At the end of the coaching contract we talked about our coaching relationship, how helpful it was:
GI: Do you remember the discussion about homesick? (I confirmed moving my head) I love so much that discussion! I went back home and visited last week that special place. And you know what? It’s exactly how you said: I carried it inside all the time, so when I really saw it … it was like I was there a day before .. like I didn’t leave that place! Thank you so much!!!
If you want to know more how “Happiness comes from within” in your specific situation: http://bit.ly/9WDZM
Gabriela Casineanu, ACC, ORSC